This post has been a work in progress since Thanksgiving evening. It is hard to put into words the incredible life my grandparents offered us - the memories, the lessons learned, the love shown and the examples that were set for us.
So, short of the fact that we live in Colorado, Jason Aldean's song, Amarillo Sky speaks volumes of my Grandpa Ted. So much so, that we had it as one of the song choices for the slideshow at the viewing prior to his funeral a few weeks back. He worked so incredibly hard planting and harvesting corn and hay and raising dairy cattle, all to retire from it less than two short months prior to his death.
Grandpa Ted was one of those men who never had a bad word to say about anyone (and no one had a bad word to say about him). He loved Bud Light, fried chicken and homemade noodle & butterball soup. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday (probably because Grandma always cooked a meal fit for a king). He loved my Grandma with all that he was and you could see that up to the very end. His family was his passion and farming was just his way of life. He was one of those men who was small in frame but could probably out-lift most men. His favorite saying was.... "Be good...... But if you can't be good, be careful." I don't think there was a single day in my life that he didn't tell me that. My aunt told me that he probably told us girls that so often because when he was growing up he was neither. Apparently, he was your typical hell-raising farm boy back in the day! He was a man of incredible character and always led by example. You could always see the pride and love he had for his family shining through his eyes. He was someone that I wish I could have had more time with. I had expected to have more time with him with their upcoming retirement. A hard lesson learned.... no one is guaranteed tomorrow and how quickly my Grandpa passed is proof of that.
It is crazy to think that Grandpa was as healthy as he could be and threw his last bale of hay in September but by Thanksgiving afternoon, he was singing with the angels in Heaven. Over the last couple of weeks I have gone through what October (when we lost Grandma Jeane) and November have brought our way. The challenges we have faced, the grief we have felt and the many things I have learned from it all.
I have learned how incredibly blessed I am to have been given the opportunity to not only have almost 32 years years with Grandma Jeane and Grandpa Ted (and 29 years with Grandpa Bill) but to be able to have the relationship I had with each one of them. I said it prior to losing Grandpa Ted (but while we sat in his hospice room), I feel blessed to feel so devastated at losing my Grandparents. Feeling as devastated as I have these last few months just shows me how incredibly close I was with each of them. God blessed me with a family that is so close that losing one of them is heart wrenching. I am grateful that God blessed me with my Grandma Dorothy who is still with us and healthy. I pray that her heart heals from losing Grandpa. I am so very grateful for my parents and the chance to grow up in a close relationship with them (and that my kids get to have the same amazing experience of knowing their grandparents the way I knew mine). I am blessed with two sisters who are my absolute best friends. I am blessed with a husband who has endured a lot with me and two incredible kids who make me smile from the inside out with their adorable ways.
So although 2011 has proven to be a bit rough, I am grateful for all that I have gained from it and am looking forward to a fresh start in 2012.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thankful
Wow - it has been awhile since I have written on here. The last two months have proven to be challenging and difficult to say the least, but there is still much to be thankful for.
At the beginning of October, we had a scare with Kylee - her heart started racing on her so extremely fast that it caused her to get sick all over the place. We rushed her into the ER that Friday night. Thankfully her EKG and her x-rays came back normal - but it gave us a weekend with no answers. We were not sure if she was going to be ok or if it was something serious. I have never had two whole days feel like an absolute eternity the way that weekend felt to me. We tried to keep things as normal as possible - there was no need to scare her. We went to a wedding on Saturday and a craft fair on Sunday. We got home - and the kids were playing, when I got a phone call. My Grandmother had passed away. I rushed to pick up my sisters and head to the hospital to be with our family. She had suffered from Alzheimer's for many years, but she was by no means to the state that we thought we would lose her already. She was only there for a small amount of pain management. The heartbreak from everything was felt throughout the room. Nonetheless, she had been suffering for so long - and there was a sense of peace knowing that she was with my Grandpa and was no longer dealing with this horrible disease.
By Monday - we were able to get Kylee into Children's while arrangements were made for my Grandma. Some good news at a much needed time - Kylee was diagnosed with SVT (Supra-Ventricular Tachycardia) which will not cause any sort of damage or health issues! Praise God - my baby girl was going to be ok.
The week went on - trying to deal with arrangements for my Grandma and finding some sort of comfort that she was reunited with my Grandpa. The funeral provided that necessary closure, but we all still hurt so incredibly much. My Grandparents were those sort of people that didn't leave just memories - but a legacy for all of us that came after them. My sisters and I were so incredibly close to them. They were such a huge part of our upbringing.
October went on and we all started to find our way again. We had a great Halloween. The kids were adorable and they had a blast trick-or-treating. (**Pictured to be added**how much cuter can you get!!!)
We moved into November - and BAM - we're hit again. Grandpa Ted has cancer. It literally came out of nowhere. He threw his last bale of hay in September - he appeared healthy - just some mild shoulder pain. By the beginning of November though, you could tell he had lost a significant amount of weight. Whatever it was - it was hitting him hard. For a week he went in for various testing, but by the beginning of week two (from actually being diagnosed with cancer) he was already in the hospital - and by the end of that week he was in the Hospice unit. He had some horrible days where he wasn't hardly conscious and then we had one incredible day where we spent the whole day watching football. He was able to eat and drink and although he couldn't really communicate well (they believe he had a mild stroke) he knew we were all there with him and he could easily follow our conversations. I hold on to that day with everything I have right now.
Thanksgiving got here. Grandpa was still with us. Our local hospital puts on a Turkey Trot 5k every year, so I decided to go do day-of registration. I got there a couple hours before the race, signed up and spent some time with dad and Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt Alice up in Grandpa's room. It was much more peaceful hanging out with just a few of us - usually his room is flooded with our family and we are that sort of loud, obnoxious kind of family. I got through my run - WOW - that one hurt. I haven't ran in over a week (which has been killing me to miss my daily runs) and I felt it. I also haven't slept in over a week and I felt that too. I got through mile 1 of three - and thought to myself, "If I just close my eyes right now, I could sleep for hours on this nice hard concrete floor." I got cleaned up, picked up the kids and headed back up to Grandpa's room at the hospital for Thanksgiving lunch. We decided to make it easy and do leftover Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. We had the turkey sandwiches, and some side dishes to go with.
By that afternoon, things had taken a bit of a turn. We knew ahead of time that it was only a matter of hours before Grandpa would pass. The signs and symptoms had been there for days, and he was struggling quite a bit more on this day. Thanksgiving was Grandpa's favorite holiday - so I guess it was only right that he attend the Thanksgiving banquet in Heaven. He passed shortly after 4:00 that afternoon. This was much more difficult than losing Grandma Jeane. Grandma had suffered from Alzheimer's for years. She wasn't the same women we grew up knowing - and it had been that way for 4 or 5 years. We knew she had been sick for a long time and we were at peace knowing she wasn't suffering anymore. With Grandpa though - it all happened so fast. There were so many people that Grandpa knew that didn't even have the chance to know he was sick. I am still fairly numb from it all. My Grandparents were like second parents for me and my sisters. And watching all of this unfold before us and having to watch our parents struggle through watching their parents pass on has been especially difficult.
There is still much to be thankful for though.
I am thankful that I have been blessed with 29 years with Grandpa Bill and just shy of 32 years with Grandma Jeane and Grandpa Ted. I am grateful that I still have Grandma Dorothy here with me. I am grateful for the fact that I can truly feel devastated at losing my Grandparents these last few years. To feel this devastated about it means that I had one of the best relationships you could ask for. I was given so many incredible memories that I can hold on to and pass on to my kids. I am grateful that God has blessed me with a family that is so close and tight. I am grateful that God has blessed me with incredible friends who have allowed me to cry on their shoulder and lean on them through these tough times. I am so very thankful for my husband who has done everything he can to keep me going. I am thankful for my church family who has lifted me and my family up in their prayers and I am grateful for the close family friends of my grandparents who have flooded our email, facebook pages, and phones with their kind words, thoughts, prayers and their sincere sadness at the loss of Grandpa. Times are tough right now, but God will help us move through this and on to better days!
At the beginning of October, we had a scare with Kylee - her heart started racing on her so extremely fast that it caused her to get sick all over the place. We rushed her into the ER that Friday night. Thankfully her EKG and her x-rays came back normal - but it gave us a weekend with no answers. We were not sure if she was going to be ok or if it was something serious. I have never had two whole days feel like an absolute eternity the way that weekend felt to me. We tried to keep things as normal as possible - there was no need to scare her. We went to a wedding on Saturday and a craft fair on Sunday. We got home - and the kids were playing, when I got a phone call. My Grandmother had passed away. I rushed to pick up my sisters and head to the hospital to be with our family. She had suffered from Alzheimer's for many years, but she was by no means to the state that we thought we would lose her already. She was only there for a small amount of pain management. The heartbreak from everything was felt throughout the room. Nonetheless, she had been suffering for so long - and there was a sense of peace knowing that she was with my Grandpa and was no longer dealing with this horrible disease.
By Monday - we were able to get Kylee into Children's while arrangements were made for my Grandma. Some good news at a much needed time - Kylee was diagnosed with SVT (Supra-Ventricular Tachycardia) which will not cause any sort of damage or health issues! Praise God - my baby girl was going to be ok.
The week went on - trying to deal with arrangements for my Grandma and finding some sort of comfort that she was reunited with my Grandpa. The funeral provided that necessary closure, but we all still hurt so incredibly much. My Grandparents were those sort of people that didn't leave just memories - but a legacy for all of us that came after them. My sisters and I were so incredibly close to them. They were such a huge part of our upbringing.
October went on and we all started to find our way again. We had a great Halloween. The kids were adorable and they had a blast trick-or-treating. (**Pictured to be added**how much cuter can you get!!!)
We moved into November - and BAM - we're hit again. Grandpa Ted has cancer. It literally came out of nowhere. He threw his last bale of hay in September - he appeared healthy - just some mild shoulder pain. By the beginning of November though, you could tell he had lost a significant amount of weight. Whatever it was - it was hitting him hard. For a week he went in for various testing, but by the beginning of week two (from actually being diagnosed with cancer) he was already in the hospital - and by the end of that week he was in the Hospice unit. He had some horrible days where he wasn't hardly conscious and then we had one incredible day where we spent the whole day watching football. He was able to eat and drink and although he couldn't really communicate well (they believe he had a mild stroke) he knew we were all there with him and he could easily follow our conversations. I hold on to that day with everything I have right now.
Thanksgiving got here. Grandpa was still with us. Our local hospital puts on a Turkey Trot 5k every year, so I decided to go do day-of registration. I got there a couple hours before the race, signed up and spent some time with dad and Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt Alice up in Grandpa's room. It was much more peaceful hanging out with just a few of us - usually his room is flooded with our family and we are that sort of loud, obnoxious kind of family. I got through my run - WOW - that one hurt. I haven't ran in over a week (which has been killing me to miss my daily runs) and I felt it. I also haven't slept in over a week and I felt that too. I got through mile 1 of three - and thought to myself, "If I just close my eyes right now, I could sleep for hours on this nice hard concrete floor." I got cleaned up, picked up the kids and headed back up to Grandpa's room at the hospital for Thanksgiving lunch. We decided to make it easy and do leftover Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. We had the turkey sandwiches, and some side dishes to go with.
By that afternoon, things had taken a bit of a turn. We knew ahead of time that it was only a matter of hours before Grandpa would pass. The signs and symptoms had been there for days, and he was struggling quite a bit more on this day. Thanksgiving was Grandpa's favorite holiday - so I guess it was only right that he attend the Thanksgiving banquet in Heaven. He passed shortly after 4:00 that afternoon. This was much more difficult than losing Grandma Jeane. Grandma had suffered from Alzheimer's for years. She wasn't the same women we grew up knowing - and it had been that way for 4 or 5 years. We knew she had been sick for a long time and we were at peace knowing she wasn't suffering anymore. With Grandpa though - it all happened so fast. There were so many people that Grandpa knew that didn't even have the chance to know he was sick. I am still fairly numb from it all. My Grandparents were like second parents for me and my sisters. And watching all of this unfold before us and having to watch our parents struggle through watching their parents pass on has been especially difficult.
There is still much to be thankful for though.
I am thankful that I have been blessed with 29 years with Grandpa Bill and just shy of 32 years with Grandma Jeane and Grandpa Ted. I am grateful that I still have Grandma Dorothy here with me. I am grateful for the fact that I can truly feel devastated at losing my Grandparents these last few years. To feel this devastated about it means that I had one of the best relationships you could ask for. I was given so many incredible memories that I can hold on to and pass on to my kids. I am grateful that God has blessed me with a family that is so close and tight. I am grateful that God has blessed me with incredible friends who have allowed me to cry on their shoulder and lean on them through these tough times. I am so very thankful for my husband who has done everything he can to keep me going. I am thankful for my church family who has lifted me and my family up in their prayers and I am grateful for the close family friends of my grandparents who have flooded our email, facebook pages, and phones with their kind words, thoughts, prayers and their sincere sadness at the loss of Grandpa. Times are tough right now, but God will help us move through this and on to better days!
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