How Life Changes

Well, the last 10 days or so have been unbelievably eventful, emotional and exhausting. We are just now getting back to normal again.

Everything happened over one weekend. It started out Friday late afternoon with a phone call from my mom saying that I needed to come get Kylee and take her in to the doctor. Her heart started racing on her causing her to get sick all over the place. We rushed her into Urgent Care just to be sent to the Emergency Room. After the EKG and X-Rays came back normal, they sent us home telling us it is some kind of Tachycardia, and we need to go see a pediatric cardiologist at Children's.  Not knowing the severity of what was going on drove me crazy all weekend. A million questions ran through my head and I had no idea how to answer them. It took all of my energy to maintain a calm demeanor so that I didn't cause any panic with Kylee. I just wanted Kylee to be able to be herself - to be my normal baby girl who runs around in circles and dances and sings. I didn't want her worrying about her heart or her health in anyway. Just seeing how sad she looked when the ER doctor told her she couldn't play soccer until the Cardiologist cleared her, broke my heart. That sad look was etched in my brain the entire weekend. I don't think I slept at all that night - I couldn't help but get up and check on her constantly.

I was so thankful for horrible weather on Saturday - it meant they would cancel the soccer game and reschedule it - so she didn't have to miss anything. Instead, we did a little shopping that morning. We had a wedding to go to for good friends of ours. The kids stayed with my parents - which made me nervous not to have Kylee with me, but I knew my parents could handle whatever would come of that night (thankfully nothing occurred). It was a beautiful ceremony in a beautiful church for two amazing people! Brian was in the wedding, so that meant I spent the evening alone so he could tend to his groomsman duties. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I was exhausted, scared and a little broken up from the previous night. I had dealt with everything by myself the night before, because he was in Denver at rehearsal. I didn't want to be alone all night on Saturday too. Thankfully there was a large group of wonderful friends to sit with, so that helped, but I couldn't help but think of Kylee the whole night - wondering if she was ok. I am sure I annoyed my mom to no end, as I text her constantly checking in to see how things were going. We got home late to two sleeping babies, but unfortunately I again spent the night half awake, half asleep. Partly because I felt the need to keep checking on Kylee, partly because I ended up getting sick. Oy!

Sunday rolled around. I stumbled through the day not feeling well but good enough to get myself and the kids to church. Kylee sang that morning for preschool - so we were at my parents church in Greeley. I was very thankful not to have to drive to Fort Collins. My mom called me that morning and asked me to film Kylee. She said that Grandma was in quite a bit of pain still from a fall she had taken a week before and Hospice (who has overseen her care for the last 4 months or so) was moving her to their wing of the hospital to better provide pain management to her for a couple of days. I wanted to go to the hospital to see her, but knew that I wasn't feeling well and figured it better that I not jeopardize getting her sick. Instead, we waited for Brian to get home and went to the craft fair at Island Grove. There was nothing much to see there, but Kylee of course wanted to do something crafty - so we went to Michael's to get the kids each a little something - Kylee got a jewelry box to paint and bedazzle up while Triston found some cars. We weren't home for more than 15 minutes when my sister calls me and tells me to have my phone at my side that Grandma wasn't doing well. Not 5 minutes from hanging up on her, I get the call from my dad that she had passed away. An overwhelming rush of sadness hit me. This is a woman who helped raise me and my sisters. Who helped create the girls we are today. She was very sick with Alzheimer's, yes..... but she wasn't suppose to go just yet - she was suppose to be with us for a few more months. I wasn't prepared to lose her yet. I was suppose to go see her at least one last time before this happened! All I could think of is I had to go pick up my sisters and get up there - as if being there would somehow change the outcome. My sisters and I (all of whom were sick with the same stupid stomach bug) sat in a corner of her hospice room with my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins and just cried in disbelief and absolute sadness. None of us were ready to part with her.

The rest of the week was an absolute blur. Monday - we got Kylee into Children's and THANKFULLY found out that what she has is SVT (supra-ventricular tachycardia) which is not harmful. There are options for the future that would get rid of it if she chooses to. But, all that matters at this immediate moment is that she is healthy and can stay the same little girl that she is. Nothing about her habits has to change.

I spent Monday & Tuesday helping where I could with arrangements and just spending time with my kids. Thursday was the viewing and Friday was the funeral. By Friday I was so broken, exhausted and just overwhelmed. I finally broke down. I needed to - I had nothing left inside me at that moment.

We spent the weekend trying to get the kids and ourselves back to normal and now that we are half-way through the week, I think we are finally getting there. It is incredible how one weekend can change your entire life so dramatically - I'm thankful for so many things though. For my daughter's health, for almost 32 years of life with my grandma (and 29 years with my grandpa) and to have two grandparents still alive and doing well. I'm thankful for my kids and my husband - my sisters and my parents and the rest of my family and for all the good friends who were there during that weekend for me to lean on. You truly get a good understanding of those that are there for you during times like this, when you need them the most! Thankful is not a strong enough word for how I feel about each of them.

Late Nights, Mountains and More

Another weekend is gone - but we had a great time again!  Friday afternoon, Kylee had her first field trip of the year to the Aquariam. The kids loved checking out the different sea life - although the Nemo and Dori fish caught most of their attention. I loved seeing the reaction Kylee had to seeing a shark swim over the top of her. At first it sort of freaked her out - but she quickly got over that and was more intrigued with how fast it was swimming around (and how big its teeth were). She did make note that "he was ugly". What made this trip so much more fun is we got to carpool with the Balliet family - This is the third year that Kylee and Beau have gotten to go to school together. I would love to find a way for them to continue their adventure through school.

Saturday was a big day - Kylee had another soccer game - although she still is being called "princess" that little girl is doing outstanding out there - everytime she hits the field she gets a little bit more aggressive!  I am so glad she is enjoying it - I was a little nervous signing her up thinking that she may not enjoy it too much.

After soccer was over, I got a quick run in and managed to get ransacked by some mastif-looking dog. Some guy was walking his dog who must have thought that I was going to go at his owner, so he decided to head-butt my shoulder instead. It's still bruised 2 days later! I'm happy the dog kept his mouth shut. A dog bite to the shoulder may not have been too fun to recover from.

Brian had a bachelor party that night (for his friend Matt), which meant me and the kids had the entire night to ourselves. Brian had a great time at Dave & Busters. (Nothing like a big arcade to entertain a bunch of men!) The kids and I enjoyed a little shopping and our friend Ben's 30th birthday party! Got home early, but unfortunately did not go to bed early - we stayed up and watched movies all night long! Crazy kids!!! :)

Sunday was church and then off to the mountains to check out some beautiful colors and listen to the elk. We headed into Estes for a bit beforehand since they were having ElkFest. Listened to some beautiful Native American music and walked around the town. Then ended it with sitting in Rocky Mountain National Park to see all of the two elk that decided to come. Even though we didn't see a ton of wildlife - it was nice to get away (where the cell phones can't ring) and just relax with the four of us.